Kitchen Nightmares USA (Channel 4 9PM)

Wow, It's been a bad few months for Gordon Ramsay. A year or so ago Ramsay was the crown prince of British TV chefs; loud, brash, but ultimately an entertaining personality and an incredibly talented chef. Fast forward a few months and he's been revealed as a love rat ripe for a roasting on the casting couch of Jeremy Kyle. His adultery has not gone down well, and to be honest i wouldn't be surprised if he slowly melts off our screen gradually in a slow painful death; that would be a shame because despite his misgivings off screen, i do enjoy watching him on the screen. 

It got worse for Ramsay last week when his 'Great British Nightmares' vehicle, part of Channel 4's underwhelming 'Great British Food Fight,' caused a flood of complaints for the sheer amount of swearing pouring out of Ramsays gullet.  I'm not offended in the slightest by swearing; but to be honest 'Great British Nightmares' was a patched together, poorly made show, that gave free reign to some really unsavoury characters who swore more than Joe Pesci in Casino. 

Kitchen Nightmares is usually a great watch; seeing Ramsay transform the fortunes of a run down restaurant into a success story in a couple of weeks, and in the process creating some quality cooks is a joy to see.  Unfortunately the same cannot be said for the nauseating American version of the show.  

Since when did Gordon become a counsellor? The American show has him spend more time in dimly lit back rooms giving relationship advice to broken families and trying to save marriages on the brink, than actually teaching these deluded 'chefs' how to cook. 

In tonights episode he actually gets a son to write a letter to his dad, this is in between his usual impromptu demonstrative rants to camera in a back alley while the kitchen behind him explodes.

The show only comes to light when Ramsay gets in the face of a complete dunce of a chef who blames Gordon because he couldn't cook a fried egg.  Like many of these modern 'reality' shows real liberties are taken with the editing, creating situations and events that clearly didn't happen; its so obvious a ten year old could see the plot holes. 

Get Ramsay back in the Kitchen and out of the bloody Samaritans and we might just save this guys career before it explodes in all our faces. 

6/10

Big Chef Takes on Little Chef

Who would have thought that plonking the "best chef in the world," in what is, lets face it, the worst 'restaurant' on the planet, could be such an enjoyable piece of programming.

When i first started watching i assumed this "kitchen Nightmares" style mash up would involve Heston barging into a run down little chef and barracking the employees because they can't cook an omelet.  Turns out Heston doesn't roll that way, oh no, this guy is no Ramsey, he's a pro, he really cares about his food, so much so that creates ridiculous combinations that have been celebrated world wide. 

To be honest the real enjoyment in this program came not from the regeneration of little chef because lets face it, who cares whether that blot on Britons roads had a simultaneous chip fan fire and no one could find the damp towel.  The real enjoyment came from the managing directors ridiculous, pompous and frankly insulting diatribe, born from sitting in four and half million management seminars. His catchphrase was "blue sky thinking;" something i assume means... urm... you know! thinking outside the box... catching the first light of the morning. 

Ian Pegler the aforementioned managing director, was the kind of man you would laugh at if he turned up in a hostage video pleading for Gordon Brown's help, only to have his head sliced off on a grainy internet web page; not only was everything he said taken from one of the huge folders you get when you secure a job at a crap high street mobile phone shop, he was also completely unafraid to lambast Heston's painstakingly created culinary masterpieces that he makes in a science laboratory. 

Against all odds Heston somehow succeeds; he rebrands the little chef we all know and love (dead earwigs down the back of your seat) and makes it into an american diner with meeting place seats and a slightly better menu.

The only problem for Heston is that he couldn't re-brand the staff; because lets face it they all looked like members of Leatherface's family from Texas Chainsaw Massacre; sniveling, educated by dusty bin; and the kind of people you wouldn't want cooking your even if you were forced at gun point by Jack Bauer. 

Suffice to say Channel 4 managed to create a fab program, by simply creating a huge culture clash that they knew could only end in, well, conflict.