Coleen's Real Women and Media Nepotism

After flicking around the tv schedule the rags to riches story that is Coleen Rooney jumped out at me. The first thought that came to me was, if Wayne Rooney the ubiquitous footballer had his own show Wayne's Real Men that would be the greatest piece of tv since well Coleen's real women. Whereas Coleen looks to make the "average" woman the catwalk queen, I feel Wayne's hunt for the next great shakespearan actor amongst home and away football fans could be gripping.

The question arises from Coleen's show - is what makes a woman attractive? In this episode she pits her "real women" against the professional models to decide who might have the chance to advertise magnum ice creams. First of all these "real woman" are all beautful women - how real the experiment is may be questionable, are magnum merely using the show for promotion, well of course they are.  However this show demonstrates something intersting. This show demonstrates the imporantance of opportunity.

Throughout the media industry who gets work and careers appears to be all about opportunity, who you know and who they know. 

Coleen for example, who it appears is natuaral on camera and as presenters go she is not at all bad. She has however got the job purely because of opportunity. She happened to grow up in the same area of Liverpool as part neanderthal part footballing genius. Wayne was fortunate to avoid any serious injury and sailed his way to the top of his profession. Coleen his long term girlfriend and now wife went along for the ride. As fame drew itself to Wayne so it did for Coleen, she slowly grew her profile by just existing. She seemingly developed an everywoman profile which appealed to a brethren and was enhanced by Wayne's indiscretions. In being Wayne Rooney's girlfriend and becoming famous she had opportunity thrust upon her from all angles. 
She comes from a poor background and with no familar legacy in media and has become a sucess. She is now passing this on to the "real women" in her show.

Nepotism is rampant in media, as represented by Richard and Jusy's erstwhile "doing it on my own" daughter Chole, who took up a job on their show on channel 4 and now as a reporter on their barely watched "new position". According to a report in the Daily Mail "Chloé claims she has the talent to succeed despite her name. She told BBC Breakfast: 'When it occurred to me that I wanted to go into TV, it was a proper decision because if I said yes the nepotism claims would start storming in."

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1132142/THATS-got-lingerie-contract-Chlo-Madeley-parties-night-away-low-cut-LBD.html 

She has the audacity to claim it is not nepotism but then  accepts jobs on her parent's shows. If we were in the same position we would surely all take every advantage of the opportunity we were given, it is a shame she cannot admit it herself.

I think everyone has an ability in some form to create a place for themselves in the media industry whether it be behind the scenes or infront of the camera, if given the chance. I have experience of this myself going for a job with virgin media television. Though I didn't get the job I asked about work experience, they told me that they rarely gave that out and if they did it was for relatives of those who already work there.

It remains to be seen whether Chole will make the most of the opportunity presented to her by her parents, if she doesn't no doubt Carol Vorderman's children will be waiting in the wings to seize their opportunity.

Kitchen Nightmares USA (Channel 4 9PM)

Wow, It's been a bad few months for Gordon Ramsay. A year or so ago Ramsay was the crown prince of British TV chefs; loud, brash, but ultimately an entertaining personality and an incredibly talented chef. Fast forward a few months and he's been revealed as a love rat ripe for a roasting on the casting couch of Jeremy Kyle. His adultery has not gone down well, and to be honest i wouldn't be surprised if he slowly melts off our screen gradually in a slow painful death; that would be a shame because despite his misgivings off screen, i do enjoy watching him on the screen. 

It got worse for Ramsay last week when his 'Great British Nightmares' vehicle, part of Channel 4's underwhelming 'Great British Food Fight,' caused a flood of complaints for the sheer amount of swearing pouring out of Ramsays gullet.  I'm not offended in the slightest by swearing; but to be honest 'Great British Nightmares' was a patched together, poorly made show, that gave free reign to some really unsavoury characters who swore more than Joe Pesci in Casino. 

Kitchen Nightmares is usually a great watch; seeing Ramsay transform the fortunes of a run down restaurant into a success story in a couple of weeks, and in the process creating some quality cooks is a joy to see.  Unfortunately the same cannot be said for the nauseating American version of the show.  

Since when did Gordon become a counsellor? The American show has him spend more time in dimly lit back rooms giving relationship advice to broken families and trying to save marriages on the brink, than actually teaching these deluded 'chefs' how to cook. 

In tonights episode he actually gets a son to write a letter to his dad, this is in between his usual impromptu demonstrative rants to camera in a back alley while the kitchen behind him explodes.

The show only comes to light when Ramsay gets in the face of a complete dunce of a chef who blames Gordon because he couldn't cook a fried egg.  Like many of these modern 'reality' shows real liberties are taken with the editing, creating situations and events that clearly didn't happen; its so obvious a ten year old could see the plot holes. 

Get Ramsay back in the Kitchen and out of the bloody Samaritans and we might just save this guys career before it explodes in all our faces. 

6/10

Paris Hilton British Best Friend (ITV2)

Paris Hilton is as shallow as a muddy puddle on the side of the road, so when i tuned into her new 'reality' show, this time based in London, i thought i knew exactly what to expect; Paris walking around London (we get that) Paris spouting inane slogans like "bitches" and "Bestiesss" (we get that too) and a really formulaic mess of a show which is part Beauty and the Geek part Americas next top model. Well i got it right it is all them things! But somehow it was strangely entertaining, mainly due to some excruciating voiceover from Hilton, and some hilarious on the spot insults to the contestants. 

The show is basically just a load of women (most of them hideous to look at in daylight) and one man (gay of course!) partaking in 'challenges' to impress Paris. I have to single one of them out as she looks like a drag queen who has mated with Herman Munster her name is Layla (one to look out for, total total rotter) 

The first challenge is for the contestants to stand infront of Paris and have her judge their hair and 'look.' Trust me this was hilarious. Naturally these people think they look like supermodels, so when Paris Hilton rips into their terrible hair extensions they fall to pieces like recovering alcoholics. 

Whats worse is Paris gets 3 total and utter no bodies to "interview" her "besties;" one of the panel is Mark Durden Smith who sits on the panel like a washed up commercial actor who may or may not take one too many pills later on. They they ask the contestants boring questions and the airheads (and the gay!) respond with long pauses and one word answers, naturally talking doesn't come easy to these kind of people, considering their all surgery enhanced page three models or Mickey Mouse students from gutter towns. 

This show ridiculously shallow and bordering on offensive; it's so bad its good. 

I'm off to find out what on earth TTYN means. 

7/10! 

Mclean of the Jungle!

Last night saw the exit of the straight talking glamour model and future queen of wag Nicola Mclean. As time went on the vehemnet and impassioned Nicola grew on me and her sheer disdain for the annoyingly exuberant Timmy Mallet and the deluded wannabe David van Day matched my own view of the two jungle late arrivals. Not for one second did she stand for Van Day's pathectic victim routine.

Her acerbic tone directed at Van Day from the very start of his tenure in the jungle at first seemed slightly harsh. However as Van Day continued to display his psychotic underbelly it appears that Nicola was the quickest of all the celebs to not judge this book by its cover.

Putting aside the inhitial agreements of the group towards paying the ransom for Mallet and Van Day on their first night in the jungle, with Nicola dismissing the notion of giving up her mascara. This sums her up perfectly, she doesn't suffer fools lightly. As others began to pander to Van Day's childish tantrums she stood steadfast in her original opinion of him and saw through his manipulative ways. Only now are the likes of Joe Swash beginning to see from Nicola's persepctive, one that doesn't wear rose tinted glasses.

It's a shame she had to go, but for me there will only be one queen of the jungle in 2008.

"The" Brian Paddock leaves I'm a Celeb jungle in shock evition.

Celebrity legend "The" Brian Paddock left the jungle in one of reality tv's greatest upsets since Chico of It's Chico time fame failed to win The X Factor.

Paddock a shining light amongst a sky of stars enlightened Britains evenings for 17 days. It's a sad day for Ex policeman and Ex Mayoral candidates, who saw "The" Brian Paddock as an example to all Policeman and Mayors that with hard work, dedication and a natural abiliy for being famous, they too can rise above us and become one of the "Z" list.

We are sad to say it is not "The" Brian Paddock time.


CHICO watch*** Chico will be headlining as he turns on the Christmas lights in Leighton Buzzard this weekend.

Esther Ranson leaves I'm a celeb

Esther Ranson and Simon Webbe were the final two names as Ant or Dec read out which of our celeb gods were safe or not. It was then Esther who became the fifth "Celeb" to leave the jungle.

To be fair to Esther, she was fairly famous in her day and has done a lot of charity work, but in the brutal world of dog eat dog z-list celebritydom she could not compete with the power houses of "The" Brian Paddock and professional boob merchant Nicola Mclean.

Esther has been there and done that so she doesn't really have anything to gain or grab hold off, she doesn't appear to have any massive desire for fame, it was more about the experience. After all the last meaningful peace of TV that Esther partook in was"excuse my French" which pitted everyones favourite football racist Ron Atkinson wannabe comedian Marcus Brigstoke (star of the unknown child shows "stupid" and "Sorry i've got no head" and Esther in a challenge to see who could immerse themselves in French culture and learn the language.

Alas when you have nutters like David Van Day despearate to climb the ladder of celebrity obscurity Esther just doesn't stand out.

Who goes next - whoever has signed up to be in Celeb Big Brother in the new year no doubt!

Mallet knocked out

After finishing in the bottom two of the IACGMOOH public vote with "The" Brian Paddock (The biggest Z list celebrity to ever grace the jungle floor). Timmy went head to head with "The" Brian Paddock in a shock bushtucker duel which would see the loser exit the jungle for good.

The bush tucker battle took place in the "gruesome last chance saloon" seeing the celebs knocking back a variety of bug concoctions.

It is a shame that Timmy lost out to "The" Brian Paddock, with a long run in the jungle I had high hopes that Timmy would have annoyed everyone so much that A) He would renew is musical partnership with Andrew Lloyd Webber and become the face of Britains next Eurovision entry. Or (B) He would have pushed his fellow celebs too far with his loud anarchic brand of "humour/entertainment" they would have wandered off into the jungle to never be seen again.

Oh well I guess we are left to look forward to his star turn in next years Iceland adverts.

Britney Spears overshadowed by those trying to emulate her.

What should have been a story about the triumphant return of Britney Spears to British shores - her first performance in five years - we were instead treated to something so dire it left us begging for the return of the erstwhile X factor loser Daniel Evans.
Despite Daniels inept ability to reach beyond the levels of cruise ship crooner, he was at least the one thing any singer should be, which is entertaining. Whereas Daniel stretched the limits of his ability every week on the X factor Britney Spears left us wishing she had never turned up at all.

Whoever makes the decisions for her in hindsight must concur getting her to mime to her own song in a week dedicated to her screams stupid. X factor is a show that requires people to sing live week on week. The X factor contestants no matter how inexperienced have become quite adept at singing live week on week. They come out and sing a Britney song live - they do it reasonably well - she then comes out and mimes badly. Who is the professional singer? Even Same Difference managed to mime in time with their song the previous week. I'd rather have Daniel Evans over Britney Spears any day of the week. The worst thing about it was the ridiculous adoration that she received from the judges on the completion of her performance - no wonder she is crazy if nobody can tell her she is awful - too many yes men around her I think.

THE RESULTS:

This was the first week where the decision on which contestant would go was solely the responsibility of the voting public. Despite Ruth Lorenzo putting in two great performances she found herself along with Eoghan Quigg - High School Musical wannabe - awaiting to see which of them would join Alexandra, Diana and JLS in the semi final. Despite the best efforts of Louis Walsh to sabotage his own act JLS showed they must have a strong public following along with longtime favourite Diana Vickers. Diana overshadowed by Alexandra this week is in danger of seeing her favourite moved to her rival. Despite strong performances I still don't enjoy Alexandra's performances, there is something about her attitude that doesn't allow me to find her likeable.

As Dermot announces the fourth semi finalist it is the sultry spaniard who has to go home, with her powerful vocal ability the only one to rival Alexandra it will be interesting to see where Ruth's votes go next week. With Alexandra, Diana and Eoghan the only acts not to be in the bottom two, it looks likely that JLS could be up for the chop next week.

Anyone remember this guy? No me neither, apparently he appeared for a few weeks on X factor and was compared to someone called Ricky Gervai, who, apart from in Louis Walsh’s mind isn’t actually a real person. So in essence he offered this “bloke” neither a criticism nor a compliment, he actually might as well have said “you remind me of someone who doesn’t exist.” So… a Ghost? That’s right Daniel Evans (I remember him now the one with the wife… who died) was the first X factor contestant compared to a ghost.

I’m becoming increasingly concerned for the sanity of Louis Walsh, first their was the Ricky Gervai debacle, then he reduced Dannii minogue to a blubbering wreck off camera, meaning for the rest of last weeks show she couldn’t actually talk (thank god) Then as I sat, surprisingly bored by Kirsty Alsop’s appearance on Gordon Ramsey’s’ cook along live I spotted him sitting staring blankly into a camera while rotund DJ Chris Moyle’s served him prawn cocktail; Also have you noticed he claps like monkey.

X Factor tonight, and I’m going to happily predict a bottom two of JLS and Ruth Lorenzo.