Paris Hilton British Best Friend (ITV2)

Paris Hilton is as shallow as a muddy puddle on the side of the road, so when i tuned into her new 'reality' show, this time based in London, i thought i knew exactly what to expect; Paris walking around London (we get that) Paris spouting inane slogans like "bitches" and "Bestiesss" (we get that too) and a really formulaic mess of a show which is part Beauty and the Geek part Americas next top model. Well i got it right it is all them things! But somehow it was strangely entertaining, mainly due to some excruciating voiceover from Hilton, and some hilarious on the spot insults to the contestants. 

The show is basically just a load of women (most of them hideous to look at in daylight) and one man (gay of course!) partaking in 'challenges' to impress Paris. I have to single one of them out as she looks like a drag queen who has mated with Herman Munster her name is Layla (one to look out for, total total rotter) 

The first challenge is for the contestants to stand infront of Paris and have her judge their hair and 'look.' Trust me this was hilarious. Naturally these people think they look like supermodels, so when Paris Hilton rips into their terrible hair extensions they fall to pieces like recovering alcoholics. 

Whats worse is Paris gets 3 total and utter no bodies to "interview" her "besties;" one of the panel is Mark Durden Smith who sits on the panel like a washed up commercial actor who may or may not take one too many pills later on. They they ask the contestants boring questions and the airheads (and the gay!) respond with long pauses and one word answers, naturally talking doesn't come easy to these kind of people, considering their all surgery enhanced page three models or Mickey Mouse students from gutter towns. 

This show ridiculously shallow and bordering on offensive; it's so bad its good. 

I'm off to find out what on earth TTYN means. 

7/10! 

OMFG! Gossip Girl is Back.

What do you get if you take The OC, remove all the quirks and the few likable characters, add a ridiculous voice over by Kristin Bell and set the whole thing in New York. Yep Gossip Girl. I never thought anything would ever make me nostalgic for the O.C, but some how Gossip Girl manages to do just that; When i see the ridiculously good looking ambiguously aged actors cast in half light pouting their way through meaningless scripts, i actually yearn for Ryan's predictable fist fights and the obligatory appearance by the music worlds flavour of the month.

To be honest this is the first episode of Gossip Girl that i have ever watched; and i probably won't go back for my second slice; and lets face it, this program isn't aimed at me; its aimed at 13/14 year old girls who use txt speak and bitch about girls at school all day using internet lingo; the script is so contrived it even references the culture it knows is watching (The voiceover at the end says "xoxo," i mean come on) And anyway the O.C definitely wasn't aimed at me and i still watched that.

This program goes to far, and at the same time doesn't go far enough; it wants so desperately to be edgy yet can't have any swearing or any real sexual scenes for fear of alienating its audience; characters will reference things like "getting drunk," and "hooking up" but i only saw one sip of alcohol drunk and the actors pouting lips got in the way so it just dribbled down his chin and on to his 10,000$ suit. 

For some reason despite the characters in the O.C being ridiculously spoilt, rich brats, i still found time for them; in Gossip Girl i just want to kill them, they prance around in designer tat (sex and the city lite) and play croquette at lavish dinner party's. The problem is the interest in all this opulence is lost as soon as they open their mouths; lest we forget all the characters are complete "bitchaes" to each other anyway and that grated. 

Best bit of this episode had to be when an English "Lord" revealed his true identity, after posing as a yank. Of course his adorable British accent gets him laid. (yes i've just booked a one way ticket to new york on expedia in case your wondering) 

Lame, Lame, Lame. xoxo