It's Dragons Den... but not as we know it (or like it)

Dragons Den is a top Program.  The combination of straight talking, frankly arrogant millionaires with sweaty cheap suited northern monkeys making a fool of themselves with terrible inventions is hard to beat.  You know what they say... If it aint broke don't fix it. 

Well the BBC have tried to fix it, ok so they haven't taken Dragons off the TV and a new series will be returning soon with exactly the same formula, but they have created a online only spin off which is as dull as four day old dishwater. 

I watched about 15 minutes of the first episode and i knew exactly what i was dealing with, the dragons den formula with rotten production values and a couple of complete no marks as "Dragons." 

It's kind of hard to explain why i don't like this show, its the same as the one i do like, but it had a CBBC feel, especially the grainy establishing shot of the "pitchers" in a lift. It was kind of like they were being held captive by a terrorist. 

The first pitcher was a complete moron; his invention was a couple of wheels stuck to the bottom of a chair, so people with disabilities could "tuck themselves" under the table after sitting down.  The only thing going for this was the word "disabled," everything else about the "invention" was a joke. 

I would happily have paid the guy the full amount just to get out of my sight! 

I guess if you've got half an hour spare, or your at a loose end this is a decent pithy filler, but otherwise its drab, and theres "bonus" content from Dominic Byrne (who the F is that?!) He looks and sounds like a bald Rufus Hound (that rhymes!) and he's even less funny (i know, hard to believe right.) 

One to avoid... mainly. 

6/10

Shows That Should be Banned!

There are few shows on television that can bring me to the edge of my seat in a boiling rage; sure, nonsense like Jeremy Kyle and GMTV grate, but they don't have me in a toe curling sweat fest or cause me to chew on my fists like the inhabitant of a padded cell.

If you haven't clicked by now, im talking about Eggheads, the most mundane, pointless, infuriatingly smug show on tele. Quiz shows should be about fun presenters and comedic one liners (Think Brucie in his prime) or rife with genuine intrigue and unmistakable camp (think university challenge) Eggheads has none of this, it's a miracle of television; it has none of the ingredients to make it watchable, it is literally TV dark matter.

Lets start with the presenters, first their was Dermot Murnaghan who brought all the glamour of a tired old newsreader to the fore, slowly drooling his way through questions that were thought up by a dead chess professional.

Then for some strange reason (Murnaghan's departure to a spin off show, yes a spin off of this crime against humanity!) they brought in Jeremy Vine; yes, that one; the one who presents panorama with the camera zoomed so close to his face you can see what his nose had for lunch.

The panel of Eggheads are "Quiz experts" and all have a tenuous claim to fame. You've got the drip dry Kevin, who wouldn't smile if you gave him a million pounds tax free; there's "the gay one" CJ who wears shirts that Noel Edmonds would laugh at. Then you've got "the old one" Daphne who has a gimmick, she has a strong sports knowledge despite having seen the funeral of king tut! Oh the hilarity.

Lets not forget Judith; yeah you probably know her, she was the first person to win a million quid on that Chris Tarrant Vehicle; oh and shes got a plum garden up her arse, and good luck finding that silver spoon, she swallowed it long ago.

The most hair pulling aspect of the show is that digression is actively encouraged. The early rounds are multiple choice and instead of giving the extremely obvious answer contestants will give a 2 to 3 minute anecdote as to why the wrong answers are wrong.

"now i know its not Bill Clinton, because im pretty sure he was never in Eastenders, although there was that one episode where Bianca had a dream she lived in the white house with Ricky's mum"

It has me in front of the screen shouting bloody murder. ANSWER THE QUESTION!

Please, see sense, ban this waste of tax payers money NOW.

Theroux "Scores" in Philli.

Louis Theorux has done it again; this man can do no wrong. Last night we were treated to Louis wandering the streets of Philadelphia interviewing hardened criminals for an insight into the drug trade.

Theres something about Theroux that means even when he's walking into dark vacant houses to take a peek at a dead body (he did this last night by the way) you still have a smile on your face; he has an incredible knack of blending the comic and the tragic. This was probably the first time you could see the fear behind his specs, yet he still managed to crack some hilarious jokes.... for instance

"I'm travelling with Paul Hunter, known simply as Hunter."

This documentary was truly heartbreaking at times with tales of drug addiction and young gun victims; it made me want to watch an episode of the wire... and i dully did!

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Here's a taster, the full episode is available for a week on the bbc-iplayer.

Louis is back on our screens next week in Johannesburg; he better have that bullet proof vest on damn tight!