Celebs Discuss Jobs in Farcical Jungle Romp

I thought I'm a celeb couldn't get any worse; but tonight it reached the depraved depths of hellish TV smut when the so called "celebs" discussed their "jobs."

As it was introduced by Ant and Dec i spat out a mouthful of luke warm, milky tea onto my new bloody carpet and had to spent ten minutes with the vanish out.

Anyway i digress; when i envisaged these z list morons discussing what they do in their daily life i saw David van day ermm... talking about.. you know that thing he does... sit in the jungle, and sim-on-web doing some singing; utter tedium i thought. But low and behold Joe "knees up mother brown" Swash caused much hilarity by not actually knowing what his "job" was.

He's an actor so when he stood up he probably should have given a "talk" on how he used to act in Eastenders; instead he tried to sell Nicola a dollar shaped piece of plastic? Erm Joe, i know you played a market stall owner but that's not your job! When you look in Swash's ear you can see David Van Day picking his feet out the other side.

Esther Ranson leaves I'm a celeb

Esther Ranson and Simon Webbe were the final two names as Ant or Dec read out which of our celeb gods were safe or not. It was then Esther who became the fifth "Celeb" to leave the jungle.

To be fair to Esther, she was fairly famous in her day and has done a lot of charity work, but in the brutal world of dog eat dog z-list celebritydom she could not compete with the power houses of "The" Brian Paddock and professional boob merchant Nicola Mclean.

Esther has been there and done that so she doesn't really have anything to gain or grab hold off, she doesn't appear to have any massive desire for fame, it was more about the experience. After all the last meaningful peace of TV that Esther partook in was"excuse my French" which pitted everyones favourite football racist Ron Atkinson wannabe comedian Marcus Brigstoke (star of the unknown child shows "stupid" and "Sorry i've got no head" and Esther in a challenge to see who could immerse themselves in French culture and learn the language.

Alas when you have nutters like David Van Day despearate to climb the ladder of celebrity obscurity Esther just doesn't stand out.

Who goes next - whoever has signed up to be in Celeb Big Brother in the new year no doubt!

Mallet knocked out

After finishing in the bottom two of the IACGMOOH public vote with "The" Brian Paddock (The biggest Z list celebrity to ever grace the jungle floor). Timmy went head to head with "The" Brian Paddock in a shock bushtucker duel which would see the loser exit the jungle for good.

The bush tucker battle took place in the "gruesome last chance saloon" seeing the celebs knocking back a variety of bug concoctions.

It is a shame that Timmy lost out to "The" Brian Paddock, with a long run in the jungle I had high hopes that Timmy would have annoyed everyone so much that A) He would renew is musical partnership with Andrew Lloyd Webber and become the face of Britains next Eurovision entry. Or (B) He would have pushed his fellow celebs too far with his loud anarchic brand of "humour/entertainment" they would have wandered off into the jungle to never be seen again.

Oh well I guess we are left to look forward to his star turn in next years Iceland adverts.