Mclean of the Jungle!

Last night saw the exit of the straight talking glamour model and future queen of wag Nicola Mclean. As time went on the vehemnet and impassioned Nicola grew on me and her sheer disdain for the annoyingly exuberant Timmy Mallet and the deluded wannabe David van Day matched my own view of the two jungle late arrivals. Not for one second did she stand for Van Day's pathectic victim routine.

Her acerbic tone directed at Van Day from the very start of his tenure in the jungle at first seemed slightly harsh. However as Van Day continued to display his psychotic underbelly it appears that Nicola was the quickest of all the celebs to not judge this book by its cover.

Putting aside the inhitial agreements of the group towards paying the ransom for Mallet and Van Day on their first night in the jungle, with Nicola dismissing the notion of giving up her mascara. This sums her up perfectly, she doesn't suffer fools lightly. As others began to pander to Van Day's childish tantrums she stood steadfast in her original opinion of him and saw through his manipulative ways. Only now are the likes of Joe Swash beginning to see from Nicola's persepctive, one that doesn't wear rose tinted glasses.

It's a shame she had to go, but for me there will only be one queen of the jungle in 2008.

Celebs Discuss Jobs in Farcical Jungle Romp

I thought I'm a celeb couldn't get any worse; but tonight it reached the depraved depths of hellish TV smut when the so called "celebs" discussed their "jobs."

As it was introduced by Ant and Dec i spat out a mouthful of luke warm, milky tea onto my new bloody carpet and had to spent ten minutes with the vanish out.

Anyway i digress; when i envisaged these z list morons discussing what they do in their daily life i saw David van day ermm... talking about.. you know that thing he does... sit in the jungle, and sim-on-web doing some singing; utter tedium i thought. But low and behold Joe "knees up mother brown" Swash caused much hilarity by not actually knowing what his "job" was.

He's an actor so when he stood up he probably should have given a "talk" on how he used to act in Eastenders; instead he tried to sell Nicola a dollar shaped piece of plastic? Erm Joe, i know you played a market stall owner but that's not your job! When you look in Swash's ear you can see David Van Day picking his feet out the other side.

"The" Brian Paddock leaves I'm a Celeb jungle in shock evition.

Celebrity legend "The" Brian Paddock left the jungle in one of reality tv's greatest upsets since Chico of It's Chico time fame failed to win The X Factor.

Paddock a shining light amongst a sky of stars enlightened Britains evenings for 17 days. It's a sad day for Ex policeman and Ex Mayoral candidates, who saw "The" Brian Paddock as an example to all Policeman and Mayors that with hard work, dedication and a natural abiliy for being famous, they too can rise above us and become one of the "Z" list.

We are sad to say it is not "The" Brian Paddock time.


CHICO watch*** Chico will be headlining as he turns on the Christmas lights in Leighton Buzzard this weekend.

Esther Ranson leaves I'm a celeb

Esther Ranson and Simon Webbe were the final two names as Ant or Dec read out which of our celeb gods were safe or not. It was then Esther who became the fifth "Celeb" to leave the jungle.

To be fair to Esther, she was fairly famous in her day and has done a lot of charity work, but in the brutal world of dog eat dog z-list celebritydom she could not compete with the power houses of "The" Brian Paddock and professional boob merchant Nicola Mclean.

Esther has been there and done that so she doesn't really have anything to gain or grab hold off, she doesn't appear to have any massive desire for fame, it was more about the experience. After all the last meaningful peace of TV that Esther partook in was"excuse my French" which pitted everyones favourite football racist Ron Atkinson wannabe comedian Marcus Brigstoke (star of the unknown child shows "stupid" and "Sorry i've got no head" and Esther in a challenge to see who could immerse themselves in French culture and learn the language.

Alas when you have nutters like David Van Day despearate to climb the ladder of celebrity obscurity Esther just doesn't stand out.

Who goes next - whoever has signed up to be in Celeb Big Brother in the new year no doubt!

Mallet knocked out

After finishing in the bottom two of the IACGMOOH public vote with "The" Brian Paddock (The biggest Z list celebrity to ever grace the jungle floor). Timmy went head to head with "The" Brian Paddock in a shock bushtucker duel which would see the loser exit the jungle for good.

The bush tucker battle took place in the "gruesome last chance saloon" seeing the celebs knocking back a variety of bug concoctions.

It is a shame that Timmy lost out to "The" Brian Paddock, with a long run in the jungle I had high hopes that Timmy would have annoyed everyone so much that A) He would renew is musical partnership with Andrew Lloyd Webber and become the face of Britains next Eurovision entry. Or (B) He would have pushed his fellow celebs too far with his loud anarchic brand of "humour/entertainment" they would have wandered off into the jungle to never be seen again.

Oh well I guess we are left to look forward to his star turn in next years Iceland adverts.

Dani Behr who cares

As the second of our so called celebrities departed the jungle of I'm a celeb get me out of here tonight, I am left with the thought.... are we all celebrities?

After all just take a look this years I'm a celeb line up. Brian Paddock - who hey he you may ask - that's right you guessed it - a former policeman and London mayoral candidate! He is then closely followed by 'professional WAGS' Nicola Mclean and Carly Zucker. The rest of the line up is a mish mash of ex actors - former boyband members and tv personallities who have been off our screens for long enough for us to forget them.

Celebrity and fame should be put upon people who actually achieve something! However I'm a celeb and it's commrades continue to promote celebrity culture in it's current form. This only serves to brainwash a nation in to believeing we are all able to achieve anything and that we deserve huge adulation and admiration for our great great talents that we don't have!