Shows That Should be Banned!

There are few shows on television that can bring me to the edge of my seat in a boiling rage; sure, nonsense like Jeremy Kyle and GMTV grate, but they don't have me in a toe curling sweat fest or cause me to chew on my fists like the inhabitant of a padded cell.

If you haven't clicked by now, im talking about Eggheads, the most mundane, pointless, infuriatingly smug show on tele. Quiz shows should be about fun presenters and comedic one liners (Think Brucie in his prime) or rife with genuine intrigue and unmistakable camp (think university challenge) Eggheads has none of this, it's a miracle of television; it has none of the ingredients to make it watchable, it is literally TV dark matter.

Lets start with the presenters, first their was Dermot Murnaghan who brought all the glamour of a tired old newsreader to the fore, slowly drooling his way through questions that were thought up by a dead chess professional.

Then for some strange reason (Murnaghan's departure to a spin off show, yes a spin off of this crime against humanity!) they brought in Jeremy Vine; yes, that one; the one who presents panorama with the camera zoomed so close to his face you can see what his nose had for lunch.

The panel of Eggheads are "Quiz experts" and all have a tenuous claim to fame. You've got the drip dry Kevin, who wouldn't smile if you gave him a million pounds tax free; there's "the gay one" CJ who wears shirts that Noel Edmonds would laugh at. Then you've got "the old one" Daphne who has a gimmick, she has a strong sports knowledge despite having seen the funeral of king tut! Oh the hilarity.

Lets not forget Judith; yeah you probably know her, she was the first person to win a million quid on that Chris Tarrant Vehicle; oh and shes got a plum garden up her arse, and good luck finding that silver spoon, she swallowed it long ago.

The most hair pulling aspect of the show is that digression is actively encouraged. The early rounds are multiple choice and instead of giving the extremely obvious answer contestants will give a 2 to 3 minute anecdote as to why the wrong answers are wrong.

"now i know its not Bill Clinton, because im pretty sure he was never in Eastenders, although there was that one episode where Bianca had a dream she lived in the white house with Ricky's mum"

It has me in front of the screen shouting bloody murder. ANSWER THE QUESTION!

Please, see sense, ban this waste of tax payers money NOW.

Hallelujuah - A History of

It all started in 1984 when Leonard Cohen the Canadian singer song writer released the song on his album Various Positions. The song took over a year for Cohen to write and at the time he wrote 80 verses before finally cutting it down to the final version.

Since 1984 the song has been covered over 170 times. What is it about this song that has proved to be so appealing to so many people. Is it the powerful lyrics that inspire and resonate of spritualism and symbolism.

Cohen's Version



In 1994 Jeff Buckley released his cover version. What is now seen as the most definitive version screams of depth and passion and embodies the original version with a real soul. Buckley's version has been voted as one of the best songs ever by Rolling Stone magazine at 259 in its ranking of 500.
Buckley recorded 20 versions of the song in the studio before he was satisifed , eventually 3 different versions were used together.

Buckley posthumously achieved his first number one when his version of "Hallelujah " reached the top of the charts in March 2008.





Another recognisable version is that of Rufus Wainwright, brought to the publics attention after being used in the film Shrek in 2001.




This version features Askil Holm, Espen Lind and Alejandro Fuentes and Kurt Nilsen, winner of World Idol beating out more favoured rivals Kelly Clarkson and Will Young.



In 2008 The X Factor selected Hallelujah as its winner's song. In the Final Boyband JLS and Alexandra Burke both sang versions in a bid to claim the final votes of the public.

JLS



Alexandra




Alexandra won the public vote and her version was released on digital downloads at midnight on the 13/12/08. It has already become the fastest selling download song and is set to become number 1 for the prestigious christmas number 1. The release of The X Factor winner song has sparked interest in the previous versions. With the midweek chart reports showing Buckley's version at number 3 and Leonard Cohen's original also in the top 40. There is a strong possibility that Burke and Buckley could be number 1 and 2 at the weekend.

The X factor and the Christmas No. 1

For the last few years The X Factor has become synonimous with two things, Simon Cowells abrasive put downs and the Christmas number 1.

For those who aren't aware having the number 1 record at christmas in the U.K. has for a long time been a must have for all musical artists it is a prestigious achievement.
As well as the traditional esteem it represents it is also the most profitable week to be number 1 due to the increased spending of the public in the weekend before christmas. It is a week that is specifically targeted by record companies as a real money spinner.

It all really began in 1973 when Wizzard and Slade released their christmas themed songs, "I wish it could be christmas every day" and "Merry Xmas Everybody"

The chrismas number one was then very much the home of christmas related songs and novelty records, but then reality tv emerged firstly with Popstars: The Rivals which launched Girls Aloud and in recent years The X Factor.

As much as I enjoy The X Factor I think it would be nice to see a return to hessian days of a christmas number 1 that was either a christmas themed songs or a novelty record. So how do things look for christmas 2008.

Well there may be hope the contenders are as follows:

Geraldine McQueen " Once upon a Christmas"

(Peter Kay's genius creation follows up her hit number 2 song "My winners song" with this funny and catchty hit that will never leave your - Over and over and over and over and over.... you will see . Written by the growing legend that is Gary Barlow of Take That fame -this has a genuine chance)





Ruth Jones and Rob Brydon "Islands in the Stream"

Taken from the ever funny Gavin and Stacey this will be an also ran.



Leona Lewis "Run"

Lewis' cover version of Snow Patrol's hit. Already released the more sombre song than others contending the number 1 this screams of 2003 when Mad World by Michael Andrews and Gary Jules beat out The Darkness.



Complete long shot but who better than the "Best Act Ever" at the MTV Europe music awards 2008 Rick Astley to topple The X Factor winner.

The One Show

The One show has taken up the challenge of beating the reality juggernaut that is The X Factor to this years Christmas Number 1. Featuring the always brilliant Adrain Childs and Christine Beakley and their family of The One Show reporters sing on the shows christmas experiment Lets not fight this Christmas. Lets hope they show enough fight to bring back the christmas cheer and tradition of the Christmas number 1.

Diana Vickers tribute

With the sad demise of the only unique talent in the 2008 version of The X Factor we thought it was only right to bring you her highlights and what we are missing out on by her not winning the competition.

Man in the Mirror

Call Me.

With or Without You

Here is a taster of Diana performing Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah from bootcamp, this will be the 2008 X Factor winner's song.

It's a crying shame that she won't be in the final and in with a chance of winning. Her version of Hallelujah would have transended the usual reality show winner going to number 1, it being a great song and performance in its own right.

Lets hope we see more of Diana very soon.

X Factor Bores me to "Tears."

I've finally had enough of the X Factor, and its no suprise that it's coincided with the departure of Diana Vickers. Last nights show was bland, predictable, boring, and full of vomit enducing close ups of peoples salty tears as they explained how much they "wanted it," and just how hard they'd "worked," to get here.

The judges bleet about how this is a "talent" contest, but when it boils down to it, the public are more interested in who can shed the most tears and act like the biggest muppet. First there was the inexplicable success of Daniel Evans, who, although seemingly a throuougly nice guy, couldn't sing for his supper, yet was kept on week after week. We can only imagine because of his 'hearbreaking' tale of love lost.

Next theres Alexandra (Leona Lewis) her mum needs a kindey op don't you know! She is a great singer, but haven't we been here before? What does she offer the market that Leona doesn't already own. Her songs bore the life out of me, and when i see the judges giving her a standing O' i want to launch my fish supper at the tele.

Next theres the living foetus Oweighn Quigges, who looks like an adorable high school kid who's been smacked in the face with a spade and then had his hair tied to a ceeling fan... oh... and he can't sing!

JLS seem to be totally genuine guys, but their vocals are terribly weak, having said that i hope they win, just so i can see Louis Walsh wet himself.

Granted Diana was poor the last couple of weeks, and looking back at her best bits last night i couldnt believe just how far she's fallen since her excellent performances in boot camp; the pressure got to her, and Cheryl Cole tried to Iron any sort of quirk she had flat by dressing her up as Avil Lavigne.

The final is going to be a drab affair full of Alex's "big voice" EOughing's "big fun" and JLS's "Big Performances. Excuse me while i fall asleep.

Joe Sqwashes Mr Sulu and Martina man hands to win IACGMOOH and become king of the jungle!

What a delight, who would have thought that an Eastenders reject would turn out ot be so humble and so entertaining and a good guy. As things turned out going into the final three, it would have been a shock if Joe who had so much more airtime and interesting things to say than his opposition failed to win. An early christmas present for Joe who could now see the chance for his career to soar. With the Help of George Takei Joe's new best of friend (who would have thought it "Joey and georgeous George" I foresee a succesful career in hollywood for Joe in minor roles and bit parts. If all else fails Joe has the Iceland adverts to fall back on though I think he is better than that and I hope his acting career goes from strenngth to strength.

Oh(mar) My God!

I've recently ventured into the superb HBO series The Wire; i avoided doing so because shows that generate hype i tend to avoid before eventually falling in love with them; i can't really say why but i often think "nah they can't be that good." First it was Lost, then 24 and now The Wire.

There really is no point trying to explain the wire in a few short pars; its too complex, and there are just far too many characters.

Although everything about the series so far has been a joy, every season the writers seem to stick two fingers up to the audience and snatch some of the best characters from right under our eyes. First it was Di-angelo Barksdale; the much underused nephew of Avon; then there was the annoyingly early death of Bodie, who in my opinion had so much more to give to the show. Easily the most pointless and shocking death of the series was that of Omar Little; Omar was a man hell bent on revenge in season 5 and you could tell he wasn't going to survive; he was becoming careless and wandered around the terrifying streets of B'more. I was prepared for his death, and was convinced if he was going to go, he'd take as many people with him as possible, i was prepped for a Scarface style gunfight, where Omar took 14 bullets to the chest, but when i saw him killed by a small insignificant 12 year old while buying a pack of smokes i nearly threw my television out of the window!

That surely has to be one of the biggest f**k you's ever placed on screen. It'd be like Jack mauled to death by Vincent in Lost, or 24 season 7 starting with Jack killing Chloe because she stole one of his chips (hope that doesn't happen!)

RIP Omar! you will be missed.

Simon fails to weave a web of success

Simon Webbe failed to make the final four as he received the least amount of votes sending him out of the jungle. Despite a glittering career behind him as one of the boyband Blue and with the backing of all his ex Blue fans it wasn't enough to save him. It was the video message from Simons girlfriend which was the highlight of his final episode. She turned out to be Layla from X Factor rejects "Girlband" Layla was there to give her support to Simon but her performance was as lacklustre as the songs Girlband performed on The X Factor. Her appearance seemed another desperate attempt to clamour on to her five minutes of fame rather than any kind of sincere support of Simon Webbe who as things turned out was a decent bloke.

Andy Abraham and Daniel Evans Wednesday Night Classic

Tonight we take a look back at ITV's The Grimleys which ran from 1999-2001 with a total of 22 episodes. It was a nostalgic look at the mid 1970's in Dudley, West Midlands through the eyes of schoolboy Gordon Grimley. Gordon is a social misfit desperatly in love with his English teacher Geraldine Titley. Gordon battles with his sadistic PE teacher Doug Digby in an attempt to win the affections of Geraldine.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Grimleys

Here's a clip from the show which randomly has a guest appearance from England and Lions Rugby Union international Jeremy Gustcott.

Mclean of the Jungle!

Last night saw the exit of the straight talking glamour model and future queen of wag Nicola Mclean. As time went on the vehemnet and impassioned Nicola grew on me and her sheer disdain for the annoyingly exuberant Timmy Mallet and the deluded wannabe David van Day matched my own view of the two jungle late arrivals. Not for one second did she stand for Van Day's pathectic victim routine.

Her acerbic tone directed at Van Day from the very start of his tenure in the jungle at first seemed slightly harsh. However as Van Day continued to display his psychotic underbelly it appears that Nicola was the quickest of all the celebs to not judge this book by its cover.

Putting aside the inhitial agreements of the group towards paying the ransom for Mallet and Van Day on their first night in the jungle, with Nicola dismissing the notion of giving up her mascara. This sums her up perfectly, she doesn't suffer fools lightly. As others began to pander to Van Day's childish tantrums she stood steadfast in her original opinion of him and saw through his manipulative ways. Only now are the likes of Joe Swash beginning to see from Nicola's persepctive, one that doesn't wear rose tinted glasses.

It's a shame she had to go, but for me there will only be one queen of the jungle in 2008.

Celebs Discuss Jobs in Farcical Jungle Romp

I thought I'm a celeb couldn't get any worse; but tonight it reached the depraved depths of hellish TV smut when the so called "celebs" discussed their "jobs."

As it was introduced by Ant and Dec i spat out a mouthful of luke warm, milky tea onto my new bloody carpet and had to spent ten minutes with the vanish out.

Anyway i digress; when i envisaged these z list morons discussing what they do in their daily life i saw David van day ermm... talking about.. you know that thing he does... sit in the jungle, and sim-on-web doing some singing; utter tedium i thought. But low and behold Joe "knees up mother brown" Swash caused much hilarity by not actually knowing what his "job" was.

He's an actor so when he stood up he probably should have given a "talk" on how he used to act in Eastenders; instead he tried to sell Nicola a dollar shaped piece of plastic? Erm Joe, i know you played a market stall owner but that's not your job! When you look in Swash's ear you can see David Van Day picking his feet out the other side.

"The" Brian Paddock leaves I'm a Celeb jungle in shock evition.

Celebrity legend "The" Brian Paddock left the jungle in one of reality tv's greatest upsets since Chico of It's Chico time fame failed to win The X Factor.

Paddock a shining light amongst a sky of stars enlightened Britains evenings for 17 days. It's a sad day for Ex policeman and Ex Mayoral candidates, who saw "The" Brian Paddock as an example to all Policeman and Mayors that with hard work, dedication and a natural abiliy for being famous, they too can rise above us and become one of the "Z" list.

We are sad to say it is not "The" Brian Paddock time.


CHICO watch*** Chico will be headlining as he turns on the Christmas lights in Leighton Buzzard this weekend.

Theroux "Scores" in Philli.

Louis Theorux has done it again; this man can do no wrong. Last night we were treated to Louis wandering the streets of Philadelphia interviewing hardened criminals for an insight into the drug trade.

Theres something about Theroux that means even when he's walking into dark vacant houses to take a peek at a dead body (he did this last night by the way) you still have a smile on your face; he has an incredible knack of blending the comic and the tragic. This was probably the first time you could see the fear behind his specs, yet he still managed to crack some hilarious jokes.... for instance

"I'm travelling with Paul Hunter, known simply as Hunter."

This documentary was truly heartbreaking at times with tales of drug addiction and young gun victims; it made me want to watch an episode of the wire... and i dully did!

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Here's a taster, the full episode is available for a week on the bbc-iplayer.

Louis is back on our screens next week in Johannesburg; he better have that bullet proof vest on damn tight!