Shows That Should be Banned!

There are few shows on television that can bring me to the edge of my seat in a boiling rage; sure, nonsense like Jeremy Kyle and GMTV grate, but they don't have me in a toe curling sweat fest or cause me to chew on my fists like the inhabitant of a padded cell.

If you haven't clicked by now, im talking about Eggheads, the most mundane, pointless, infuriatingly smug show on tele. Quiz shows should be about fun presenters and comedic one liners (Think Brucie in his prime) or rife with genuine intrigue and unmistakable camp (think university challenge) Eggheads has none of this, it's a miracle of television; it has none of the ingredients to make it watchable, it is literally TV dark matter.

Lets start with the presenters, first their was Dermot Murnaghan who brought all the glamour of a tired old newsreader to the fore, slowly drooling his way through questions that were thought up by a dead chess professional.

Then for some strange reason (Murnaghan's departure to a spin off show, yes a spin off of this crime against humanity!) they brought in Jeremy Vine; yes, that one; the one who presents panorama with the camera zoomed so close to his face you can see what his nose had for lunch.

The panel of Eggheads are "Quiz experts" and all have a tenuous claim to fame. You've got the drip dry Kevin, who wouldn't smile if you gave him a million pounds tax free; there's "the gay one" CJ who wears shirts that Noel Edmonds would laugh at. Then you've got "the old one" Daphne who has a gimmick, she has a strong sports knowledge despite having seen the funeral of king tut! Oh the hilarity.

Lets not forget Judith; yeah you probably know her, she was the first person to win a million quid on that Chris Tarrant Vehicle; oh and shes got a plum garden up her arse, and good luck finding that silver spoon, she swallowed it long ago.

The most hair pulling aspect of the show is that digression is actively encouraged. The early rounds are multiple choice and instead of giving the extremely obvious answer contestants will give a 2 to 3 minute anecdote as to why the wrong answers are wrong.

"now i know its not Bill Clinton, because im pretty sure he was never in Eastenders, although there was that one episode where Bianca had a dream she lived in the white house with Ricky's mum"

It has me in front of the screen shouting bloody murder. ANSWER THE QUESTION!

Please, see sense, ban this waste of tax payers money NOW.